The Late Bloomer

Timelines of trust

A few days ago I noticed new blossoms on one branch of the old apple tree in my yard. Most of the apples are falling. She is about done fruiting forth her bounty and here is this little bud ready to burst as if it were the first day of spring.

Now in full bloom, I sit and marvel at this blushing white latent expression of life force. I wonder if this little bud knew it would never become an apple and chose to blossom anyhow. Does it posses an infallible courage and self love to show up regardless of being “late” and living at a different rhythm and life cycle than the group?

What if its soul purpose is to inspire this contemplation, and although it won’t be a ripe juicy apple in my belly, it is feeding another part of me which in turns feeds another part of it?

Because that is how it works. It is a natural law.

They say that what grows outside your front door is the medicine you need. Herbalists used this wisdom as a diagnosis and healing tool. This wisdom feeds the soul and keeps everything on this planet, and within its Universal systems, in the right order for all of life to thrive.

We could say this blossom happened because the environment is as confused as the humans, because of the humans. I don’t like the blame thing- just speaking truth.

I sense yes, and it’s larger than that. The marvel it invoked, the awareness it required and the listening from a different ear began to re-pattern another layer of the deception of separation into the innate memory of connection. Another veil of fear lifted away for a softening in my belly always tinged with pricks of worry around being fed.

I later went to the beach to take a cold plunge and lay on warm sand. We had an electrifying storm the night before. Blasts of light and a symphony of much needed rain cleared the air. As I came down to the beach midday there was a bank of fog hugging the far off base of the north cascades (in appearance).

Part of the fog bank had shaped itself into an exact formation of the jagged mountain peak behind it and further down was a perfect replica of a cresting wave in the sea before it. As I walked the beach a tendril of seaweed had fashioned itself into a heart. I was giddy, expanded by Nature.

It all reminded me of the annoyingly invasive mimic weed that dances through everyone’s gardens disguising itself as your freshly grown arugula. Why does it do that? Have you asked it? Don’t Google it, ask it?

Will you trust what you hear if it’s not recorded in some book somewhere? What is YOUR relationship with this Life, this land? Are you willing to follow it if doesn’t match the dangling carrot your neighbor chases?

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There is extraordinary challenge upon us as a collective that is showing up in very serious ways for many individuals. And yet there is a parallel opposite energy also expanding across the land.

So I sit with the water, the trees, I listen to the wind rustle the Oak. They all hold an answer to every single ailment our society faces. Some may say listening to an apple tree is insane. I would claim that listening to a manipulated, dissociated AI bot takes the cake of needing to check out our mental states.

What we have been persuaded to seek in all of the distractions, addictions and the comical political arena is living right under our feet in the soil that feeds every single iota of flesh that makes the body. It hovers in the vast horizon line that begets essential wonder and vision, nests deep under the surface of the Oceans that house the first born storyteller and swims in the air that humbles us to that which is experienced but untouchable, unknowable and yet graces every living thing.

Gawd- there is this voice that has a death threatening fire to it, and another that says “don’t feed this, don’t get into it, just keep living your life, following your path, play your harp, stay still, its none of your business, you sound like a broken record. Just witness, hold space, lead by example, let yourself rest and be a quiet force. Do not give away your energy to this division, this anger, this grief at witnessing the most incredible gift discarded to the insanity by manipulation of our minds- the harvesting of our souls.”

I LOVE THIS LIFE, THIS EARTH.

I don’t foster division and a post like this risks creating more. To think I am immune to taking a side is impossible as every choice I make throughout my day structures my life toward or away from something. Yet there is a way to choose without feeding the disease.

I pray that when I see suffering I move from a place of pure present action. This requires knowing what motivates my actions, understanding attachment and harmful codependence.

Holy Mother, help me express unwavering compassion for the pains of life while seeing the ultimate perfection in everything- the expansive reality that there is nothing to do, that it is all unfolding according to Divine Will- or it wouldn’t be.

Grant me steady feet for standing in paradox -of right action without the need to change or fix anything. Send the ancient fire walkers to my side to help tend the inviolable flame at the center of all living things. Beloved Creator, thank you for gifting me a heart willing to take risks like this sweet little blushing blossom that let life move her regardless.

~Historically civilizations have fallen at the hands of the nefarious ego structure that denies our interdependence with every other living thing on this planet. There is an overreaching heroic narrative passed down about “great inventions” and governmental power and gold medal war recipients that “stood up for life and land”, and a grave dismissal of any voice that honored interdependent reciprocity, aka Natural Law.

I keep myself open to a hopeful change at the level of so called democracy, and most of what I have seen is a placating of the indigenous voice upon the political stage for an appearance of inclusion. They have been doing this to women since we won the vote- oh thank you for giving us permission to use our voices There is always just enough space granted to keep the peace, and portray an air of progress while the meetings in the chamber of the good ol’ boys ain’t givin’ up their power continue on.

The ego death is excruciating. It’s a mighty leap to think that the collective, and the powers that attempt to control it, are going to willingly walk into that crucible and give up their many voices to hear another, or defer to a necessary, radical listening born of stillness in order to begin again in unity with Life. And the ego death will happen. The stillness will speak. It’s inescapable.

We do not need more resource depleting inventions, pop ideas or divisive campaigns that play on the hyper aroused, strung out population.

I am not here to say what we need, even though I kind of already have in some sense. (I get to blame this whole post on the current astrology and an apple tree btw ;).

I am here attempting to give another voice a chance. One that has guided me out of the most devastatingly, heartbreaking complexes (that I am still unraveling from my body, and yes there is still major terror that I surf) of our times to regain consciousness and carry The Song- even if it is only my ears and the Ocean who hear it. Who do I work for anyway?!

Finally after all of these years I embrace that this one woman’s life isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s. This is the terrible beauty of it all. There is nothing to compare to, and when I do, because that is what is sold, I suffer a wicked wounding. This crucible, this most sacred lesson of Earth School, births an extraordinary trust in what I have been endlessly seeking- only to return, after so many journeys, to the apple tree on this land that I thought I would never see again- that said “hey granddaughter welcome back to the beginning (chuckles) we love you”.

It doesn’t mean I stay put. It only means the seeking is done, but never the learning and the walking of my path.

When I include another voice, the one shoved aside by noise, my life changes. I live by a different rhythm. A bounty of satiation, but not too much, blossoms in my belly and despite the pains of this human life, I embody a love greater than all of it because I am choosing to be fed by it. It’s slow and tender as I learn to digest what I have pushed away so long.

This grants a freedom to express the joy, the is-ness of Life despite what the status quo is doing, what the inevitable pains of life are doing or anything for that matter. Big huge fear comes up, I breathe- Mama’s got my back.

It can be quite a journey back to this remembrance. One that may transfigure the entire being and in the process ring out every drop of non-essential fear bound up in all of the identities we grip to in some misconstrued sense of safety. It requires a deep trust in the constant dance of transformation upon an ever present backdrop of endless, undying stillness.

This trust lives in all of us at an incorruptible, innate level. It is the more natural pull, it is the stronger pull, despite the opposing patterns in the way, and why it “wins” in the “end” each time. When and how we let it yank us out of illusion depends on many factors in each individual life.

I am bewildered lately at how much of a challenge it is to be what I naturally am. So many tangles to reweave.

So hey, I am choosing to let life, trust life, allow without question, while holding curiosity. There is no need to know, thus the answer arrives. Much love.

Blessed Be.